family troubles

Has it ever occured to you that sometimes we take our parents for granted? Since birth till now, a total of 17 years, we have been in that same family, and throughout these years, quarrels have surely ensued. I dont know about u all, but for me, my parents' characters/horoscopes clash, and though they can be very very nice, accomodating and caring parents, they aren't accomodating towards each other. Why issit moms are always nicer than dads? sigh. Maybe its the way they were brought up, maybe its the harsh kampong conditions last time that moulded them into something that is different from our generation. My mom always would say something about never rushing into marriage, coz once ur in it, the 'ugly sides' reveal. As the child, i can only sit in this two party verbal war and listen. Quarrels have even escalated to mentioning of divorce, and recently ive done pw on rising rates of divorce and thats abit ironic. Only yesterday a huge quarrel ensued btw my mom and dad again, and this time, divorce was mentioned again. Tears just flowed uncontrollably from my eyes as i heard both parties' sobbing and pleading voices... i really could not bear to see a family which has been there for me for 17 years just go apart like this. i mean, if a divorce were happen, a part of the family would be gone, forever, and i cant live on without it. Communication breakdown... a quarrel involves both parties, and in such a rage either party will forget that he or she also has a part to play in the quarrel and that it takes both hands to clap; thus he/she will be blinded by rage and not know what he/she is talking. Sometimes the blame is totally shifted onto the other party, accusing him/her of starting the quarrel. Why cant we just be abit more forgiving. Lets say someone scolds u or says something that provokes u, for a change, we could try not to flare up, and just say in a calm voice 'why u like that... :('. For my parents, its a clash of characters, and to change one's character is hard, but to change the attitude towards each other is easy. If matters are not related to infidelity, then it is very minor, and parents are just blowing the issue up. Why cant everyone just compromise and accomodate? Accomodate each others' flaws, be more tolerant. Flaws viewed from another angle can be uniqueness. Though yes some parents can be real irritating, but just let it burn for awhile and forget it, not keep it in ur heart, buried there, only to be dug up during quarrels to pin down/humiliate the other party. Let it be, forgive and FORGET. the past is history; only if we remember such ugly memories, will we become ugly ourselves, mentally. Such accumulated hatred will only serve to paint another ugly image of the other party, such that everything he/she says is immediately wrong. sometimes people feel inferior, that everything he/she says is wrong, so that person becomes grumpy and moody. Thus we must all try to understand each other, esp in a relation. Why cant a peaceful family exist. Even enemies would have become friends in a period of 17 years, what more a family.

My mom told me that in US, people get divorced like there's no tomorrow. These people never really spare a thought for their partners or themselves. They never even bother to make an effort to better the marriage. They treat marriage as a material thing, that can be thrown away as and when they wish. Some people treat is as a threat, that whenever their partners dont behave well, they divorce. Some people even purposely get divorced just to get the money. What is this man... thats totally debasing the sanctity of marriage and love. The vows made before the institution of marriage mentions that 'be loyal to each other till death do us apart'. Such a vow should be kept, and i believe if u truly love a person, u wouldnt bear to hurt him/her or break up the relation. The reason a couple comes together is to spend time with each other, accompanying each other till ripe old age, not quarrel all the way and break up the marriage. Sigh... so yea, between tears and sobs, i reasoned with my parents from a third party view, and made a firm stand that i did not want divorce. It was really sad... :'( im close to crying again while typing this, coz it pains me to see a family like this. till next time

sad hsienz